Need you in my life
by the lights of paris
Summary: She hated herself for being so weak. She hated him for being such a heartless monster. It tore her into two. Watching them together. Chuck\Eva\Blair. Post 4.03. ONESHOT.
1. Part 1

**Title: **Need you in my life

**Summary: **She hated herself for being so weak. She hated him for being such a heartless monster. It tore her into two. Watching them together. Chuck\Eva\Blair. Post 4.03. ONESHOT.

**Authors Note: **Listening to "You" and watching 4x03 inspired this fic. Also Dan is being portrayed as Gossip Girl in this which is why GG's so fond of DS whereas I love SN. I know that the baby isn't with Dan in the show atm but it's implying Blair doesn't know about that yet.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing as always.

* * *

She hated it. She hated herself for being so weak. She hated him for being such a heartless monster. She hated _her_ for being the centre of his attention. She hated it all. The feeling of pain, the immense pain that did nothing to dull down long after she had gone home from the party. Did nothing to dull down over the days that followed. It had been a whole week since the party and she still didn't feel any better. It tore her into two. Watching them together. Having Gossip Girl so fondly name them as, quote, "_The sweetest couple we've seen since Serena and Dan." _Having newspapers and magazines she subscribe too capture their every move and print it onto paper. It made her feel sick to her stomach.

"Tell him how you feel," Serena would say. She didn't like the fact that Blair was pretending not to hurt when she was. Blair simply scoffed and threw the magazine across the room. She turned her attention to her best friend, pausing when she heard a male's voice downstairs. Her mouth fell open in shock.

"Is that _Dan Humphrey_?" She exclaimed. Seconds later said Humphrey was standing at Serena's doorway, nervously looking around.

"Don't you have a baby and a Vanessa to get back too?" Blair oh-so-innocently asked. Going as far as too bat her eyelashes.

"Uh, yeah. I do," He replied, he mumbled a goodbye too Serena and was out of the Penthouse in record time. Serena glared at Blair and picked the magazine up from where Blair had thrown it. Her eyes scanned over the front page.

"Oh, B." She mumbled in concern and _pity_. Blair Waldorf would not be pitied. She hated being pitied. She hated it more then anything, more then Chuck roaming around with a new whore on his arm. No, she hated the latter more. She needed him so badly, she wanted him so badly but she couldn't have him for several reasons. First, he had done something unforgivable. Something she would never be able to forgive. Ever. For as long as he may live. Secondly, he had a new _girlfriend_. He had moved on before her.

That's what hurts the most. Before she had ever come along, before she had ever slept with him, before she had ever loved him, he had never had a girlfriend. Had never even considered having a girlfriend and now here he was flaunting his new girlfriend around. She gulped and picked up her bag, slinging it onto her shoulder.

"I have an errand to run." She informed Serena before taking off, practically sprinting to the door.

* * *

She had arrived at the Empire under the guise of visiting her _dearest friend _Nate already knowing he would be out for the day. Both Chuck and Eva's heads spanned up at her arrival.

"What are you doing here, Blair?" Chuck asked point-blank. She pointed to Nate's room.

"Visiting Nate."

"He's not here." Eva told her. Blair couldn't help but notice how _bitchier _Eva seemed. She wasn't an actual bitch, per say, but she didn't seem so sweet and innocent to Blair anymore. It was something in her tone, it was colder, harsher.

"Well do you know where he is?" She asked, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest. She raised an eyebrow expectantly at the pair. Her heart thumping in her chest just being this close to Chuck made her want to jump off a cliff. He had hurt her too many times, and she had ended what they had, had but even now he was hurting her and all she wanted was the pain to go away or make him feel what she feels. "I think I might wait for him." She decided, walking over towards his room. Her heels clicking against the floor. She hears Chuck tell Eva he'll be right back and he's behind her even before her hands reached the doorknob.

"What are you really doing here, Blair?" He asks her, his voice deep and husky and _pained?_ She hears something that resembles pain in his voice, a cold laugh escapes her lips at the thought of _him _hurting. While she wanted him to hurt more then anything, he had _everything_, no reason to ever feel pain.

"I'm here too see Nate." She slowly repeated, as if he were an infant who didn't understand. He moves closer towards her and her breath hitches in her throat. He's too close, breaking all boundaries. Her first instinct is to run, as far away from the Empire, away from all the pain the hotel has caused. Her second instinct is to slap him, tell him that he's got a girlfriend sitting in the other room and that he's so close to cheating on her but they would be admitting to him that if he made a move on her she wouldn't push him away. She twists the knob and steps inside the room, crossing over to Nate's bed. She sits down on it, primly and proper. Hands folded in her lap.

"I know you didn't come her to see Nate." She hates that he see's through her. Anger rises up in her, threatens to explode. He has no right to tell her what he knows, too act as if her and Nate aren't friends, that Nate means nothing to her.

"For your information, _Bass_, I did come here too see Nate. He and I are friends and," Her mind's rushing with ideas. Not even a few seconds have passed until one pops up into her mind, "Apparently his relationship with Juliet is falling apart and I want him back." She easily lies and he almost believes her. _Almost_.

"You don't want him back. You don't belong with Nate," He scoffs.

"Since when do you get to decide who I belong with." She keeps her cool, she doesn't yell although she wants too. The idea is so appealing. He sounds jealous and he's not allowed to be jealous not when he was the one who hurt _her _and is the one with a new girlfriend.

"Your just trying to hurt me, like I hurt you." Memories come flooding back too her. A wedding where she reunites with someone she didn't want to admit she had feelings for, a talk after a summer of hurt and pain.

_"You didn't hurt me." _

Her eyes close shut. She can't say that, it's a lie and everybody knows it. He hurt her so much, why should she bother hiding that?

"You hurt me, Chuck but I wouldn't want anyone to ever experience the pain you caused me," Lies. All lies. True, she wouldn't want just _anyone _to experience that pain but she wanted Chuck to feel it. To experience it. "I'm not ever going to deny you hurt me because you did. You crushed me," Her eyes shut again, her hands flying up to her chest where her heart lies, "It still hurts, Chuck. I trust-, I trusted you and you broke that trust but I don't want you to feel that. Maybe, I do want to be with Nate. I love him, Chuck. I always have, you were just a distraction from me being an Archibald. It's always been me and him. _Always._" She finishes and she sees the pain in his face, the hurt in his eyes and then he's gone. He vanished and she feels as if she can finally breath. She sighs out of relief.

But it didn't make her feel good, seeing Chuck in pain. It hurt her even more. She cursed herself for being so weak, for being so dumb to fall for a Bass. They would do nothing but destroy you and so she waits. She waits until Nate returns and when he does, she cries. She cries in his arms and he holds her, sending soothing words his way.

And she leans in first. She doesn't love Nate. But he's nice and he's there and he doesn't stop her. He lets her kiss him, and he responds to the kiss. He forgets about his girlfriend and his best friend.


	2. Part 2

**Title: **Need you in my life

**Summary: **She hated herself for being so weak. She hated him for being such a heartless monster. It tore her into two. Watching them together. Chuck\Eva\Blair. Post 4.03. ONESHOT.

**Authors Note: **OK. So I _never _planned to ever take this anywhere but I got some great responses and decided to add another chapter. Be warned, you'll probably wish that I never added another part too this. I want to thank _SecretGG _for actually giving me an idea for this chapter, as well.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

* * *

He knew the moment his lips touched hers that it was wrong, even if it felt _so so right. _His fingers traced over his lips, his eyes closing as he savours the memory. It was unexpected and rushed and so _perfect _but he couldn't feel that way about her anymore, she would always be Chuck's but maybe, just maybe, she could be his. They were together before she and Chuck ever got involved and when they had the two of them had just broken up. He sighs and flops back down on his bed, slipping his phone from out of his pocket. First things first, he needs to break things off with Juliet.

"Nathaniel, what was Blair doing visiting you? I didn't know that you two were close again," Chuck drawled from the doorway too Nate's bedroom. He froze. He knew, oh god, he knew that he had kissed Blair. He looks up and flashes him a grin, simply shrugging her shoulders. Chuck was with Eva now anyway. Why should he care?

"I think I still love her." He admits, biting his lower lip. He watches Chuck's body tense, watches as his hands curl up into fists at his side. For a second he's scared that Chuck will punch him and yell at him for even daring to think such a thing.

"Then go far it." Chuck whispers quietly and then he's gone. Poof! Nate just sits there for a few more moments, a confused look on his face. Then he finally works up the courage to break things off with Juliet. He dials her number and presses the phone too his hear. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Four rings. Five rings. Six rings. Seven rings. Voicemail.

"You've reached Juliet Sharp. I'm unable to come to the phone right now but leave me a message after the beep and I'll get back too you as soon as possible. Bye!" He snaps the phone shut and chucks it into a corner of his room. He falls back onto his bed, frustrated. He lets out a strangled scream. He wants Blair, and he knows she wants him too but then he remembers how the kiss even started,

_"I just, Nate. It hurts so much, just. I don't know how much more of it I can handle. I don't love him. I can't love him, I'm over him but it hurts too see him moving on so quickly. It's not just another random whore. He has a girlfriend. A real girlfriend, and they look happy together. And," She looks over at him, and she leans in quickly. It's an impulse, neither one thinks about what's happening. She's hurt, he can see it in the way she speaks, the way she looks away, he sees it in her eyes and he wants the pain to go away. She pulls away and leaves him, muttering some excuse. _

She wants Chuck. Just like she did Senior year. And like she probably did Junior year and then it hits him, Blair wants Chuck, Chuck wants Blair. Chuck's making Blair jealous by being with Eva and Nate can help make Chuck jealous by being with Blair. He stumbles over to where he chucked his phone and hits speed dial #3. He grins, he even kept her on speed dial, although if she ever knew that she wasn't number one she would most likely cut him out of her life. She picks up on the third ring, sighing.

"Nate, look I'm sorry about befor-" He interrupts her before she can make some apology about kissing him and how it meant nothing and she was just sad, he understood that and he also understood that it was just comfortable, nice and easy kissing Blair and that he didn't _really _love her.

"I have an idea!" He brightly exclaims. He's like a little boy, it's Christmas morning, santa's just visited, he's going to see his favorite cousin Tripp and his grandfather, and nothing's gone wrong in the world yet. He's not involved in any messy love triangles involving a long legged blonde and doe eyed brunette or his scarf wearing best friend and the same doe eyed brunette or a fifteen year old from brooklyn and her activist friend from across the bridge or the long legged blonde from before and his curly haired writer friend. He sounds _almost _innocent.

"Oh, _you _have an idea," She replies bitterly. He doesn't give up though, because he knows he never has the best idea, but this one is golden. A golden idea from the golden boy himself.

"I know how you can get Chuck back." He excitedly tells her. He hears her scoff on the other end.

"I don't want Chuck back." She states strongly, bitterness seeping in through her voice. He rolls his eyes because she's not fooling anybody and she doesn't have to lie about it.

"You want him back, everybody knows it and I know how you can get him back," He pauses waiting for her too shout at him or hang up but theres only silence on the other end. He goes on with his proposition. "We can pretend too date, to make him jealous and then he'll dump Eva and go running back too you!"

"What about Juliet?" She asks him. He lets a small "Oh" slip through his lips. He had forgotten about her, she would go along with it surely? One thing registers though, Blair hasn't refused his idea.

* * *

"This is stupid." Blair whispers, shaking her head. Nate shrugs ignoring her, he hears the elevator door ping and Blair lunges at him, they attack each other, their lips in a twisted fiery dance of fake passion. She strokes his head and he flips them over, he know's his made Chuck angry when he hears him cough. Only days before he and Juliet had been in this very position and he had just laughed, walked on like nothing had happened. Nate pulls away from Blair, looks up at Chuck, he fakes his eyes going wide, and jumps off of the couch and Blair as fast as he can. Blair sits up, her cheeks are flushed pink, and she's wiping furiously at her mouth. She mutters a "sorry" and goes. Unlike, Blair, but more like Blair then anyone could ever imagine.

* * *

Five weeks later and the plan still hasn't worked and Blair and Nate are both fed up with each other. He remembers why he doesn't like Blair and she wonders what she ever saw him in the first place. They agree too stop whatever's going on between them because it's not worth it and it's only shown Blair how in love Chuck is with Eva. She's exiting Nate's room when Chuck and Eva get home, and they both have huge wide grins on their faces and on Eva's finger is a sparkly _engagement _ring. It glitters and it's exquisite and a lump forms in Blair's throat. They don't even notice her. She runs as fast as she can to the elevator and presses the button repeatedly wishing for this nightmare to be over and just before the door's close she hears Chuck and it breaks her heart.

"I love you, Eva."

* * *

She doesn't attend the wedding. She's invited but she doesn't turn up. The two of them marry exactly three weeks after the proposal. They barely know each other and here they are tying the knot. Serena doesn't attend either, Blair begged her too stay here for her. She reluctantly agreed, she wanted to go, show her support for her brother but she loved her best friend more. Nate doesn't end up going either, Chuck isn't happy with him not attending and he's kicked out of the Empire. He was going to be anyway because that's where Chuck and Eva would live, according to Nate _and _Serena. They try and cheer her up the whole day. Watching Audrey and pigging out but everything reminds her of Chuck.

* * *

A year into Chuck and Eva's marriage they have a baby girl and Blair catches a glimpse of her. She's beautiful and it hurts her even more. Cuts her even more deeply then anybody could possibly imagine.


	3. Part 3

**Title: **Need you in my life

**Summary: **She hated herself for being so weak. She hated him for being such a heartless monster. It tore her into two. Watching them together. Chuck\Eva\Blair. Post 4.03. ONESHOT

**Authors Note: **OK. So I think I _ruined _it by adding another chapter, I wasn't going to add another chapter to this but you know, it felt unfinished and messy and this conversation popped into my mind. So this is the _LAST _part to this fic and it's very short. I still view this as a one-shot because that's how it started out as and I do like that bit better and so if you're not satisfied with these extra parts, just consider the ending to the last one shot, the ending because anything could have happened with that. Also, I can't stand Eva at all, her character just annoys me so yeahhh.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

* * *

**CHEATING SCANDAL REVEALED.**

Blair folded the newspaper up neatly and let her mind process everything that had gone on during the last two days. Chuck had found out that his two month old daughter Isabella, wasn't even his child, the cheating scandal has been printed on every newspaper and magazine in the country, or at least New York, which was basically the same thing and he had come too see her. She closed her mind at the fond memory. A a stray tear escaping out of her eye, she furiously wipes it away.

* * *

**TWO DAYS PRIOR**

* * *

She refused too look at him. He had crushed her, ruined her and now here he was, expecting her to act civil? She tried her hardest to act like she hadn't cared that he had married somebody else, fallen in love with another girl, or that the other girl had given birth too his child but it was hard. Even though Eva and him had been together longer then they ever had, but they had both been in love with one another longer, hadn't they? _Hadn't they? _

"Blair," He softly said and something about the tone he used made her insides melt. She cursed herself for being so weak. She was meant to be strong and powerful. Not some weak little girl that fell for a man who had done nothing but hurt her and married someone else. Her head snapped up too meet his, her eyes seething with anger but before she could voice the thoughts that were running around wild in her mind, he spoke up "I'm sorry." He simply said.

"So you should be," She replied. Her voice a lot softer and sweeter then she had wanted it too be. She couldn't put on the Ice Queen Bitch mode in front of him anymore. They knew each other too well, maybe they always had.

"I've hurt you - in the past and even now I'm still hurting you," He told her. She rolled her eyes, she knew that why did he have to make her feel even more hurt?

"Why would you be hurting me." As soon as the words escaped from her mouth she wanted to take them back and shove them back inside. She was giving him the perfect opportunity to say she still loved him and she didn't. No, she couldn't love him.

"Because," He said, taking a step closer too her. Almost too close. Her eyes flitted down to his hand, his wedding finger was bare. The ring gone. "I married Eva, I thought I had a child with her," He scoffs here and grabs her hand, "I didn't fight for you when I should of," He kissed her hand and she didn't stop him, "When I wanted too," He shakes his head, "Blair, I wanted to so badly and the minute I found out you and Nathaniel were over, I should of called off the engagement and come looking for you." He finishes, hopefully looking into her eyes.

She pulls her hand away and takes a step back, shaking her head in disgust.

"No. Chuck, it's too late. Your married and I've gotten over you. I've been over you for a long time." She watches as all the hope vanishes from his eyes, watches as they turn cold and _dark_. How she's missed them.

"I understand." He solemnly said, hanging his head low and before she could stop it, before she could even think about her actions she was saying something she shouldn't be,

"I never dated Nate. Not for real," He looked at her, confusion written all over his face. She panicked, having to save herself, "He needed to make Juliet jealous. She broke it off with him, not the other way around." She lied. He nodded his head and turned to leave but stopped just before he exited.

"Blair, I love you. I always will. I, I just need you to know that. I never meant to hurt you, I just wanted to make you happy and you looked happy with Nate, you really did and so I thought I needed to find someone who made me happy and Eva did, for a small time." And then he exited the building, exited her life.

* * *

**PRESENT**

* * *

Blair curls up in a little ball and shuts her eyes, trying to maybe get some sleep. Her and Chuck were simply not made to be, and maybe one day the aching in her heart would die out and maybe she would find someone who would make her happy and take away the pain. She was young, after all.


End file.
